Phoenix

This is me walking away from the past. How could I run back to you, what did you expect? I gave you all of me but you threw me away, you threw me away, you threw me away. What did you expect? Your words of false hope once filled my heart, but it's gone now. The way is black, and there's no way back, no way back, no way back. Look what you did, look at the mess that you've made. I'm not a fool, and I'm not weak. Just try to push me, try to knock me down. It's my time. I'll rise from the ashes of the fire that destroyed me. I will rise. Look at the blood on your hands, but don't come screaming my name, my name, you're to blame.

Ocular

Eyes sewn shut.  Mouth stitched closed.  Crippled hands over your bleeding ears.  Nonexistent.  Who do you think you are?  You've dug your own grave, but at least you'll find your peace...six feet under.  There's a wall between you and society; ignorance is no cohort.  Look at the monster you've given birth to as he feeds on your flesh.  What have you done?  How could you change the world when you're no longer part of it?  The blood of murder is in the dirt, while lust and greed lords the earth.  Tears are shed for hope that's lost, while you are whoring out the cross.  When will you realize the mistake that you've made?  Lord, have mercy on our ignorant hearts and deaf ears. 

Battlefield

I'm in a war with my mind, and I can smell the bloodshed.  I've been fighting for too long, and the infection  is setting in.  Giving up and letting go, runs against everything I know.  You say You know the Truth, and it will set me free.  How can I be free when I'm too blind to see?  Anxiety placed his dead hands over my eyes and worry screams his lies in my ears.  The future is too dark and I can't find a way.  Let me out.  I need out.  Give me room to breathe.  It's so much easier to live life by what I know, but when knowledge is destroyed where will I go?  The chains of life have got me bound again, crawling, cutting. Digging into my skin.
Time is a lonely enemy.  When will I let go?

100 Days of Disciple Day 10

Lately, I've been down and depressed.  There's just some things going on in my life that have gotten me discouraged.  Things that have spun out of my control. Unsureness in the future.  People have let me down and hurt me.  It's gotten to the point, even, that I've been having bouts of diarrhea on and off and feeling sick just with worry and anxiety about some of the situations.  I don't know what to do, honestly.  And I'm feeling lost and hopeless, cold and alone. 
Needless to say, the trials never come without bringing with them lessons to be learned and new experiences to be had.  This time is no different.  I've been learning and trying to teach myself to first, trust in the Lord that his plan for the future is better than anything I could imagine.  Although it's hard and difficult and I'm still not at the point yet, I'm trying to learn how to let go of situations and just give it to Him and wait for His perfect and pleasing plan.  Even if I know what I want beyond a shadow of doubt, I'm trying with all my might to push that aside and say, "Okay, God.  What do you want for my future?"  Like I said, it's not been easy.  At all.  Secondly, I've been telling myself over and over again to never give up and to never stop fighting for what you want, what you believe in, and what you love.  There's been moments within the past few weeks that I've realized how easy it is to just give in all the time and to never put up a fight.  Folks, if nothing is ever worth fighting for, then what's the point of living? Why am I here?  I agree, things can get difficult, and circumstance may not be as convenient as they could be, and there can be a lot of tears spent, breath wasted screaming to yourself the answers that you wish you could see, and nights given away to sleeplessness as you toss and turn thinking and praying about your life.  Trust me, within the past few weeks I've been at all of those places (I haven't cried though...).  But nothing, absolutely nothing is worse than throwing in the towel on something you believe and giving up.  Nothing is worse than taking the easy way out and settling for less than what you deserve when you could stand up under the flood of commitment and hardship and endure the trials in order to steal the victory that's meant for only the strong.  Giving up is for the pathetic and sick.  Giving in is for the heartless and those crippled by their own vices and own pity.  Who are you controlled by?  Where does the hope lie that courses through your veins?  Never stop fighting, and never give in.  There's always a price to be paid, but the price is worth the prize in the end. 
I'm sure you wonder where I'm going with this and when I'll get to the verse that stood out to me today.  It's here.  Matthew 10:22, "All men will hate you because of Me [Jesus], but he who stands firm to the end will be saved." 
Something that I've always come back to and that's always given me hope and  a strong foundation is the hope that I have in Jesus.  It's my relationship with Him that goes far beyond the boundaries of any religion.  I know Him.  I love Him.  Of course, not everyone sees this and it makes no sense to the world.  People hate religion, and they classify Christianity in that religion--even though it's not.  People will hate you for proclaiming Christ, and people will hate me for proclaiming Christ, it's a simple fact of life. 
Here's the kicker:  Never back down, never compromise.  If you love something, fight for it.  If you believe in something, don't walk away when the road gets difficult to travel.  If you're strugging with temptation, whatever it is, or even in a battle with yourself, stand your ground.  Don't give up. The war is long and hard and you'll victories and you'll have defeats, but don't surrender from the entire war just because you lost a battle.  Don't retreat because the enemy advances, but be strong and don't back down. 

"You have all the weapons you need.  Now fight."--Sucker Punch


--DyingAnOriginal

100 Days of Discipline Day 9

Scripture:  Matthew 9:17, "Neither do men pour new wine into old wineskins.  If they do, the skins will burst, the wine will run out and the  wineskins will be ruined.  No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved."

I have read this verse before, but it never really stood out to me like it did today.  In my mind, this relates back to our relationship with Christ and when we accept Him.  When we accept Christ into our lives, our lives MUST change.  We simply cannot go on living the way we had been before with all the sin in our lives.  Doing that would be the same as what this verse is talking about.  You don't pour new wine (Christ's presence and love) into old wineskins (your old sinful, lusty, temptation-filled, broken life).  They just don't mix.  But when you start living for Christ, let Him fill your new life. Let him change your life for the better.  Don't remain what you were, but be transformed into a new person, into a new wineskin, and let Him fill that. 

The Flood

Behold, the flood. It's coming, will you make it out alive? Will you sink or swim? The roads we take and the paths we walk all lead us to the same destination. Hell. Did you find an escape? Did you find The Escape?
Behold, the flood of judgment is upon us and none are exempt. Who's side did you choose? What light lit your path? I can only say enough. My words are no match for your bleeding ears. It's time to make a choice because the end is near. The end is upon us. The King is coming.
Behold, the flood.

100 Days Of Discipline Day 8

Scripture: Matthew 8:26, "He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm."

This story always amazed me. The Disciples, walked, talked, and ate with Jesus. 24 hours a day they were with him throughout his entire ministry. They believed everything He said and followed every command, yet they were still blind to see who He really was and what power He had.

If only we can realize the power with which Jesus calms the storms in our own lives. In Matthew 6, Jesus talks about worrying and fretting about life's troubles. In our human race, we worry so much about every single little detail about every single situation. The more stuff we have and the more things we have going on, the more attached we are to this world. The more attached we are to this world, the more we worry about everything. How much more could we do if we weren't tied down or didn't worry about any of it knowing that God can and will take care I us?

You are not alone in the eye of the darkest storm. God's got everything under control. Period. And He wants us to put our trust in Him that that control an will is in our best interest. Period.

Treacherous Tracts.

I read a book a couple of years ago called, "Unchristian".  It's a book that chronicles the largest perceptions and stereotypes of modern Christianity and its followers as according to research done by a large, corporate survey group.  Some of the perceptions are obvious:  Antihomosexual and old-fashioned.  There were others too such as judgmental and hypocritical.  The one that sticks out in my mind is that we are more concerned with saving people so that we can give ourselves a pat on the back than we are with building relationships with people and actually caring about them.

A year and a half ago, I started working at Country Cupboard in Lewisburg as a waiter.  Every so often, a couple times a month, people will leave these tracts and religious pamphlets at the table for me and the rest of the wait staff to read.  I've even had a couple people stop me right before I walk away from the table for the last time and say, "Do you know Jesus?" and hold out a tract for me to read.  I cannot express to you how disgusted and turned off I am by this way of evangelism.  Especially when most of the tracts that you receive are uproariously cheesy enough to not be taken seriously.  In fact, I just received one last week that had a silver square on the front and proclaimed, "Place your thumb in the square for 15 seconds.  If you're a "good person" the square will turn green, good luck!"  Obviously, the silver square did not turn green, and after turning it over it said, "Surprised?  None of us are good people...", and went into the religious spiel.  Not only am I disgusted, but all of my coworkers who aren't Christians take them, grumble and swear about them, laugh at them, and without even taking the time to read them, crumple them up and throw them away. 

Don't get me wrong, I am a staunch supporter of witnessing, making disciples, and following the great commission, but tracts, I strongly believe, are not the way that Jesus intended.  To the world, tracts are seen as ways for Christians to pat themselves on the back for doing a good deed.  When you're handed a slip of paper from someone you don't even know that says, "This could save your life!", it comes across as less religious and more offensive.  If the Christian truly cared about saving your soul, they would build the relationship with you first of all, and once they earned your trust and respect, then bring up the subject of salvation.  We need to let our lives be an example of Christianity, instead of handing someone a poorly written tract with the same old, same old, "Pray this prayer and you're saved", message on it. 

Okay, but say we actually do save someone by giving them a tract.  What do they do now?  All they know is they prayed a prayer and all the sins were taken away.  We aren't around any more to disciple them and to answer the questions that they have.  Who knows if they even have a Bible?  And we all know how scary going to church for the first time can be, especially in a church where you know no one.  I believe that it takes more than a simple prayer to be a Christian, yet this is the very message that we're proclaiming.  With no foundation and no follow-up to go on, that one "saved" person is struggling to find the answers that we weren't there to give because we gave them a tract and faded out of their life.  And for all they know, all they had to do was to pray that prayer and their golden.  They don't know that a relationship with Christ requires much more than that.  It's no wonder 75% of Americans claim Christianity.  It's because we're teaching them that all they need to do is pray a prayer, and tracts reinforce this. 

So for all the good we think we're doing when he hand out tracts, are we really doing anything other than turning people off from the real Truth, or leading them astray and even farther from the Truth than they were before?  I think not.

100 Days of Discipline Day 7

Man alive, almost two days since I've done this.  You're falling behind, Ben.  So much for "Discipline".  Ha.
Anyway...

Scripture:  Matthew 7:18-19, "A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.  Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire."

I wish this verse ran around in my head every time I was tempted to sin.  It's such a good verse, but it's something that I often don't think about it.  If I have Jesus in me, if I claim to have that life, if I claim to have communion with the Holy Spirit and am living for Him, then sin has no power, and I cannot produce bad fruit.  Not to say that I won't sin and fall into temptation, but that God offers me the strength the stand.  If I fully, completely and totally relied on the strength of Christ, I would not, would not, would NOT produce bad fruit.  So therefore in my own life, I need to rely on the strength of Christ to get me through the difficult times more.  It's so hard.

And also I like the second part of the first sentence, "A bad tree cannot produce good fruit".  Someone who does not have the light of Christ in them, no matter what good thing they do, no matter how great their deeds are, because they don't do it for Christ as an act of worship to glorify and honor Him, simply put, it is not good fruit, it's only worth is to make their own name great instead of the name of Christ. 

Finally, "Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire."  As a Christian, if you are not producing good fruit, if you are not making Disciples, if you are not being an example and the light of Christ wherever you go, what good are you?  Why are you a Christian if you're not winning others to the cause of Him?  Git your act straight, son.

I have so much to learn.

100 Days of Discipline Day 6

Scripture:  Matthew 6:16-17, "When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting.  I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full.  But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face."

This chapter today was chock-full of stuff that I wanted to write about, and some day when I become a pastor I'll probably go back and look more in depth at the Sermon on the Mount stuff (Yes, I know it's cliche as a pastor, but still...it's good).  I'll expound upon the thoughts here.  Expound.  I like that word.  But no, what really stood out to me here was the wording in these two verses.  Notice how Jesus doesn't say, "If you fast...But if you fast...", no, instead Jesus says, "When you fast...But when you fast...", as if he's saying, "You're going to do it, so when you do..."  I think if fasting wasn't so important Jesus would've used the word "if", but the fact that he used the word "when" sets off alarms in my head.  Why?  I don't. 

I used to.  Two years ago.  Two years ago when I was a senior in high school, I was also the student chaplain for my small private school in my small town in my small, sheltered world.  Student chaplain.  For the whole high school.  To me, that was a big deal.  It gave me leadership opportunities that I wouldn't have had otherwise, I was considered an official part of the worship team and Chapel Committee, I was on Student Government, and I was able to speak in chapel a few times myself.  That year, I wanted to try something new for our school.  I felt like my school was under spiritual attack a lot.  Apathy, sin, selfishness, arrogance, pride...those were a few of the things that I could see in the people around me, and even somewhat in myself.  I felt the great need to pray for my school, knowing that prayer is a powerful weapon, and lift it before God and beseech Him on behalf of my school.  Every Tuesday I would fast lunch and go into our prayer chapel and just lift the lives of the students as individuals, the lives of the school as a whole, and my own life before God.  For close to half an hour, I would kneel, sit, or stand on the floor before the cross in the small chapel, and pour out my heart before God.  Did I see much change?  No.  Was there much change?  Possibly.  We can't undermine the behind-the-scenes work that God is constantly doing in our lives that we can't necessarily see with our own eyes. 

So why do I tell that short story?  Honestly, I haven't had much practice in fasting, but from the looks of it, I should.  So here I go, I need to start fasting.  I mean, what's so great about reading it in the Bible, but not actually doing anything about it?  Jesus calls us, each of us, to fast.  To have the discipline in our own lives to deny the "bread" of this world and remind ourselves that we're living in an earthly body for a heavenly kingdom and the kingdom is far greater than this world.  After all, Jesus says later in Matthew, "If any man is to come after me He must deny himself..."  To me, this is part of denying yourself. 

Is Jesus calling you to fast?

100 Days of Discipline Day 5

Scripture Matthew 5:48, “Be perfect therefore as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

This verse, and those like it, has always gotten to me.  Definitely in some good ways, but also in some bad.  This is one of those classical, “What does He mean when He says this?” verses.  In reality, Jesus was the only perfect person that ever graced the earth.  Simply put:  He was God.  Duh.  In no way can we ever measure up to that.  In this verse, Jesus isn’t telling us as Christians to be perfect like He was and if we’re not we’ll be damned forever, but to strive for perfection.  Moreso, to look at Him as an example as to what it means to live a holy life and follow that example in our own lives.  In this verse, Jesus is setting the bar high for us.  He’s saying, “Look at my life.  This is how I want you to live.” 

So looking at my own life in retrospect, am I living the way Jesus would live?  Am I walking the way Jesus would have walked?  Am I saying things that He would have said?  Am I doing things He would have done?  And if not, then I need to do some serious questioning of myself.  Jesus called us to be different, holy, and set apart.  And to not live a life that’s tied down to the world.  To live a life that if you’re called to drop everything and move to Africa, that you’d do it and trust God in that.  A life that your job is not as important as your faith and you don’t compromise the two.  I know that I still have a long road ahead of me, but that’s part of learning.  I know that I’m miles from where God would want me to be, but I’m still growing.

Where are you?

The Death of A Child

So here's some lyrics I just wrote. Pretty off-the-cuff. Struggling a lot with temptation and feeling hopeless in struggling to rise above, so this one is pretty hopeless too. I'm so sick of giving in and so sick of lying to myself. This struggle is the one thing I hate most about myself. It's my biggest flaw, and my most embarrassing secret. God, consume me. All there is. Leave nothing.

Like a whore. That's how I treated your grace. With negligence, not fully taking notice of the price you paid to pave a road away from this hell of mine. If grace was a car, then I'm wrapped around a tree watching the life bleed from my veins, fading. If mercy was a gun, then Its cold steel has been against my head for far too long, holding me hostage to my own demise. You claim there's freedom, yet all I see are my own hands wrapped around my throat. I'm walking in a den of liars and thieves, feeding me their filth and stealing my innocence. Maggots. All of you. A maggot, I am. There's no way out.

100 Days of Discipline Day 4

Yeah, so I didn't do anything this past weekend as far as this goes.  I know working is no excuse, but I worked a lot Sunday and Saturday and just didn't feel like doing anything afterwards besides relaxing.  With that being said, here's day 4:

Scripture:  Matthew 4:3-4, "The tempter came to him and said, 'If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.'  Jesus answered, 'It is written:  Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"

Over the past week or so, I've been continually reminded by some circumstances in my own life how God needs to be the rock that we stand on and nothing else.  If we rely on something in our own life to give us comfort, joy, health, and peace, then when that thing fails (and believe me, it will fail) who will we turn to?  Who will provide that reassurance of security when everything else is gone?  It's at this place that this verse speaks to me the most.  In my mind, Jesus is saying, "Man does not live on human constructs alone, but on a heavenly way of thinking."  As the old hymn goes, "Our hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness."  People will fail.  Jobs will be fickle.  Relationships come and go.  Schooling may sometimes fall apart.  The government is corrupt.  Money is a false sense of security in today's economy.  Physical conditions can change for a lifetime in a fraction of a second.  Life can be taken away before we even live.  There is nothing, absolutely nothing in this world that will consistently fill you with hope, never let you down, always build you up, give you security in who you are, and bring unending joy into your life.  Yet how much stock do we put into this world?  How much work do we put into this world as compared to what we put into the next? 

So here's my chant.  This is my vow.  I'm sick of this life.  I'm sick of looking for fulfillment in this world.  I'm sick of falling to temptation for a brief moment of clarity when I could have eternal peace.  I'm sick of relying on others to tell me who I am.  I'm sick of the facade of comfort that relationships bring me.  I'm sick of money.  I'm sick of school.  I'm sick of politics.  I'm sick of wealth.  I'm sick of gluttony.  I'm sick of laziness.  I'm sick of the bigotry, the lying, the two-faced people that I see around me.  I'm sick of struggle and sick of pain.  Let's stop wasting our time on the "bread" of this world and let's start living on the very breath of God, because from that breath came mountains and skies and trees.  That breath of God created this world and spoke words that still whisper on over 2,000 years later.  I am not of this world.  This world is not my home.

100 Days of Discipline Day 3

Scripture:  Matthew 3:8-12, "Produce fruit in keeping with repentance.  And do not think you can say to yourselves, 'We have Abraham as our father.' I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham.  The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire.  "I baptize you with water for repentance.  But after me will come one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not fit to carry.l  He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire.  His winnowing fork is in His hand, and He will clear His threshing floor, gathering His wheat into the barn and burning up the chaff with unquenchable fire."

For those of you who don't know me as well as most, I like to be honest and transparent.  The more transparent I can be about my own life, my struggles, insecurities, and doubts, the more other people will be able to open up about theirs and start to process and work through them.  I like being transparent, transparency is good.  It breaks down barriers and allows people to see in me, "Hey, this is what I'm struggling with, I'm just being honest."  With that said, 10 minutes ago I was really, truly being tempted to fall into sin.  There was just that one thing, one idea that kept be planted in my mind, and like a cancer it spread throughout my entire body.  I could literally feel my heart racing and my stomach turning as I fought with my entire being to withstand the assault my spirit was taking.  Throughout the next few minutes, I kept on repeating a song over and over in my head.  Actually, more specifically, one line of a song.  "We are calling out.  Let's get back to our first love...this is a call for discernment."  And with that anthem playing in my head, I found the temptation easier to withstand, and I'm happy to say that I did not fall into temptation this morning.  Yay me.  Score one for victory!  (The song is below)

After that whole ordeal, I come to read Matthew 3 and read John the Baptist speaking to the Pharisees and Saducees (the chief religious leaders at the time) about being hypocritical and the call to produce good fruit.  If you don't, at the time of Judgment, you'll be separated like chaff from wheat, and the chaff will be burned (hell).  God doesn't joke around.  When He says something, He means it.  So if He commands us to walk in love and think with a pure mind, that's a priority that we have to make.  If we continue to live in sin, how will we look different from the chaff that is thrown away? Part of being a Christian is to not look like the rest of the world.  To stand out.  Be different.  This morning when I struggled with temptation, I could have very well fallen into it and given in, but in the end I would have ended up looking like the rest of the world.  God calls each and every one of us to be different and to walk a different path, but how can we when we live almost the exact same lives and live in the same sins?  How can a tree produce good fruit is the roots are rotten?  In the same way, how can we produce good fruit (which He commands us to do) if our own lives are just as dark? 

"This is a call for discernment," in your own lives.  Seek out, root out, destroy everything that stands in the way of God working in You.  Reminds me of another song by For Today, "Break everything in Your path.  Take Your rightful place in our lives."  It's time to take sin off of the throne that we've placed it on and put Him on it. 

--DyingAnOriginal
 

100 Days Of Discipline Day 2

Man, almost forgot to journal today. I read the chapter, Matthew 2, early today, but then never sat down and blogged. I'm actually posting this from my phone in bed. Yay for technology!

Scripture: Matthew 2
Well, there wasn't any specific verses that stood out, but throughout the whole chapter, it's very clear that God ha been planning this moment (the birth of Jesus) for a very, very long time. Multiple times throughout the passage, Century-old prophecies are fulfilled. God has a plan in everything, that's for sure.

The Betrayer

So here's some lyrics I wrote the other night around midnight while I was awake.

Here I am. Like a Phoenix in the dusk I came to steal your breath. No feeling. Numb. Cold. Alone. My own hands are wrapped around my throat forcing the breathe from my lungs. I fall victim once again. You built me to stand but I continually fall. My legs are weak and they crumple beneath the weight of the burden I carry. You made my hands to build but all mine do is destroy. The blood drips from my fingertips as I rip out the hearts from those I love. You created my mind to think and reason, but I wasted away. Like a husk in the fall I hung, bleak and dry on this gallows I built out of your bones. You gave me a chance to walk away, but I stayed. You gave me a reason to let go, but I held on. You offered me the strength to stand, but I push aside your help. Will you save me from me? Who will save me from me? You created me a man, but I'm no man. I'm weak and hopeless. Purposeless. Failing. Why is it so difficult to take a chance for you? I need to let go, rewind, restart.

100 Days of Discipline / I Want To Write More

When I was in middle school and full of teenage angst, I used to write a lot.  By write, I mean like poetry, stories, and journaling.  Basically, in my free time, that's what I'd do.  Lately, I've been receiving more and more of a passion to do more of that (thus, for those who know me very well, I'm going to try to accomplish NaNoWriMo starting in a couple days) and to start to express myself more freely through writing poetry and lyrics.  I don't know, I've always enjoyed it and it's something that I want to expound upon and become more affluent in doing.

Let me also bring you up to date on my spiritual life as well.  Lately, I've really been struggling with reading my Bible.  By struggling I mean, "Oh, I haven't really had a personal quiet time with God in about 3 weeks."  I am beginning, well, not beginning but seeing, the lack of a personal time with God effect the rest of my life as well as my picture of the future isn't quite as clear, it's harder to fight temptation, I'm a lot more cynical and less loving, etc.  I have an app on my iPhone that lets me start Bible reading plans, and also reminds me on a daily basis about getting in The Word.  It's a tool that I've been wanting to effectively use for a while, but just never built up the self-ambition to do so. 

With all that being said, today's a new day.  I found a Bible reading plan this morning (on aforementioned app) called 100 Days of Discipline.  All it is, is going through Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, and Acts reading one chapter a day, every day, for 100 days to build up the spiritual discipline of reading the Bible.  Once you read the chapter, you journal about it.  The journal entry can be as little as, "Hey, this verse really stood out to me," or as long as, "Woah, okay, so this is what God said to me this morning..."

And that's where blogging comes in.  In the marriage of the two ideas (creative writing, or writing in general, and spiritual discipline) I have decided to make my blog here my journal.  For the next 100 days, I will be posting every day my journal.  Not only is that for me to continue to build up my writing skills, but also to make my journal public for two reasons:  1. Maybe something I say hits somebody else and speaks to them, and 2. Keep me accountable.  If there is someone out there in the wide world of cyberspace who just happens to be reading this, keep me accountable.  If you stop by one day and see that I haven't blogged yet, send me a little reminder to do it.  It's going to be a struggle, going to be hard, but it's something that I want to do. 

So yeah, without further ado, here's the journal entry for today.

Verse:  Matthew 1:25, "But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son.  And he gave him the name Jesus."
This verse in context is talking about Joseph and Mary.  Once Joseph got the "okay" from God to continue his relationship with Mary, he took Mary home to be his wife.  But then this verse comes along and basically says, "They didn't have sex until Jesus was born."  What a man.  Seriously.  If you can be married  but not have sex, you are such a man in my opinion.  I don't know, that verse just shows a lot of integrity in Joseph and gives me a newfound respect for him because he had enough strength to say, "Hey, what I want isn't important."  Humility.

--DyingAnOriginal

A Sweeping Movement...

"What we (Showbread) wanted to want was to tell the world about Jesus: The miraculous story of a peasant, Jewish Rabbi in the ancient near-east that went around preaching that the Kingdom of God was near! The story of God himself stepping down into the world, in human flesh, and conquering death by dying himself and then being resurrected from the dead. And that somehow, in light of this beautiful, mesmerizing and mysterious story folks like you and me can be made right with God and enter into his presence now and forever.

That’s what we wanted to be our focus anyway. For the most part, we’ve given it our best. Sometimes more than others and heck, often we’ve outright failed. But after nine years of spending more months each year in a van than at home, you start to think. We can’t help but see, time and time again in our travels, a world in desperate need of God’s redemptive power. We see a people oppressed by selfishness, greed, listlessness, anxiety, depression, despair… We see a church co-opted by the American dream and a generation taught to settle for the feeble, plastic freedom offered by legislation rather than the outright soul-liberating freedom of the living God. We’ve concluded, time and time again, that the world does indeed need Jesus and that Jesus is indeed at work in the world. And slowly, as those nine-years unraveled, Jesus taught his followers in Showbread—with infinite patience—what it means to make the Gospel the sole focus of a touring rock band.

To me, that’s what Arrows Are Deadly was all about. A second wind. A breath of fresh air. The voice of God himself invigorating his kids, telling them “This is only the beginning, there is more work to be done!”

I saw a middle-aged woman weep in front of a crowd of tattooed young people because God had healed her long pain-ridden feet. I saw a young man baffled by the fact that even though he did not believe God could or would heal his neck of chronic pain, God did it anyway. A young woman in Florida bawled in front of us as she confessed that it was on that night she first believed that God truly loved her. A group of perfect strangers in New York huddled around one another, joining hands and crying out to God on behalf of a wayward family member none of us knew.

Almost a decade of traversing the countryside playing rock concerts and telling people about Jesus, but on this tour something unique was happening. We looked forward to our performances, we looked forward to fellowship and fun with our friends in the other bands, but we had an insatiable craving to see God move AFTER each show in the minutes and hours when we gathered in small circles to pray for one another. The focus, even after nine years, continues to be refined.

Every day I read theologians and scholars pour over the Bible in an endless effort to unravel it’s endless layers. On paper, theology is captivating, it stirs the heart and mind and seizes the imagination. In person, theology is devastating, it shocks a man to his very core to see with his own eyes and feel in his very bones the truth that prayer changes reality and that Jesus, God of the universe, is moving in the world today.

The current of this movement is one I simply must be swept away in."

- Josh Dies of Showbread / Taken from Arrows Are Deadly (A Review)

 

--DyingAnOriginal

When I Consider The Heavens

Something that I've been thinking about recently has been the stars.  This past summer, I spent many nights sleeping out under the stars with campers, and even on the weekends I would lay out there for hours with friends just hanging out and looking up at them.  I love the stars.  There have been few times that I've been in more awe of God than when I am looking at the stars.  Especially if you're in an open field with hardly any trees or light pollution around you and basically all you can see is the stars.  It makes me feel small.  Insignificant.  Yet at the same time loved.  The God who created the heavens and the billions upon billions of stars knows MY name and knows exactly what I'M going through.  Complete and utter awe.
If you look back at the Old Testament, especially Psalms you see David praising God a lot.  One example, and what I just read this morning as I've been going through the Psalms chapter by chapter is Psalm 8.  David opens up by saying, "O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth!  You have set your glory in the heavens."  By the way, tidbit:  When the word "lord" is in all caps in the Bible, it literally means, "Jehovah", or "Yahweh".  So what David, the king of all Israel is saying here is, "O Yahweh, my God, our king, how majestic..."  He later repeats himself in v.9 by saying that exact same verse.  But in v.3-4 is where I am focusing.  "When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is making that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?"  David is in complete awe and wonder of God by looking at the stars and seeing His handiwork.  He feels small and insignificant.  Yes, this is David we're talking about here.  David, the king of all Israel.  David, the guy who killed Goliath.  David, the guy he led armies into battle.  David, is a huge, huge figure in the Old Testament.  And great and mighty David is seeing the stars and the heavens and saying, "Wow, God, I'm humbled.  You're so awesome and you're so powerful, yet you choose to pay attention to me."
The reason that this sticks out to me so much is two words:  Light pollution.  Tonight if you were to go out and look at the stars you would see only a fraction of what David and the rest of the Old Testament figures saw.  In those times, they didn't have street lights, they didn't have porch lights or house lights or headlights or flashlights, no, it was complete and utter darkness.  The only light was possibly a campfire or the light of the moon and the stars.  So when you take that and relate it to nowadays, there is so much pollution in our world that they didn't have and they saw God so much easier than we do.  They saw STARS, we see stars.  I wish that I could go back to those days and climb to the top of a mountain on the clearest night and just look at the stars with no pollution whatsoever.  No wonder they were in awe of God. 
But how often do we have pollution in our own lives that take away from the beauty of Him?  We have these things in our lives, this temptation or distractions that try to drown out his voice much like light drowns out our visions of the stars.  I heard it said once that to get an hour of complete silence captured on video, one must take about 2,000 hours worth of footage.  I know in my personal life that is so true.  Just today as I sat down to read my Bible my phone started buzzing from a text, then my mom wanted to talk to me then my mind started wandering...
Point is, we have so many distractions and so many things that Satan uses to pry us away from Christ and drown out his still, small voice.  Just like light pollution makes it harder to see the stars, so these distractions and temptations make it harder to hear God's voice.  So I ask you, and I challenge you (and myself) what is it in your life that's clouding your vision of Christ?  What are the distractions that make it hard to hear His voice?  And how can you rid yourself of those distractions so that you can hear Him and spend time with Him?

--DyingAnOriginal

I Am The Hope, You Are The Hopeless

First off, I want to apologize.  At the beginning of this summer I had this great vision to blog each weekend about my week and some of the ways that I saw God move in the campers and in the staff and some of the awesome stories, but as it turns out, and as you can see...yeah, that didn't happen.  So my deepest regrets.  I do wish that I had had more time during the weekends to connect with each and every single one of you through my blogs and let you know how my summer was going, but alas, weekends are just about as busy as the weekdays are.  You wanna know about camp?  Talk to me.  End of story.


Moving on.

Today, I wasn't feeling very well.  I was feeling pretty achey, and I felt a fever coming on.  Not good.  After I ran my errands this morning, I took a little break after lunch and just sat and read all afternoon.  I had actually just finished up a conversation with one of my friends about wanting to read more, and so seeing the opportunity, I took it.  At first, I started out reading my summer reading assignment for college ("Freedom Writer's Diary") and after an hour or so of that, I switched over to a book that I've been going through again called, "Relationships", by Dr. Les and Leslie Parrott.  Such a good book about Godly, wholesome relationships.  If you're looking to pick one up, let it be that book.  I had been reading for about 2 and a half hours by now and my eyes were feeling pretty tired, but I still wanted to read the Bible and spend time with God.  So instead of reading the Bible, I whipped out my iPhone and quickly downloaded the latest podcast from Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley (Francis Chan's church, for those of you who know) and decided to listen to The Word instead of read it.  Not quite the same thing, but pretty close.

Today, Josh Walker was talking about Deuteronomy and the last things that Moses said to Israel before departing from them.  As he began retelling the story of Moses, much like a narrative, I began to think back over the stories that I had heard about Israel from going to a Christian elementary school.  The one that stuck out in my mind--and the speaker brought it to mind as well--was when the twelve men were sent out initially to scout out the Promised Land and they came back with huge, huge clusters of grapes (Nmb. 13:23; 26-31) as evidence that the land was what God had promised them.  God had promised them a land "flowing with milk and honey".  You would've thought that seeing the huge bounty of grapes brought back from Caanan would've sparked hope and excitement.  After finally reaching the Promised Land after such a long time of traveling you would've thought that the people would've completely ignored the grapes and just went barging in ahead, right?  I mean, let's translate this to a modern-day story.  I remember days of high school gym class when we had to run a mile.  Now personally, I hate running and I couldn't wait until that mile was over.  Nearing the end my spit and phlegm would be collecting in my throat and my mouth would be hanging wide open, panting and drawing in the air to replenish my burning lungs.  The best part was, though, after running I would always make a beeline for the water fountain, yearning to ease my cracked throat and dry mouth.  Coming back to the Israelites, you would've thought that after wandering around they would be so ready to settle down no matter where it was.  Much like I made a beeline to the fountain, they would be ready to make camp and start living, right?

Wrong.
Even after seeing that huge cluster of grapes and the bounty that the men of Israel came back with, they still didn't see the blessing of God hit them right in the face.  They had no hope.  They had no faith in Him.  Where was there trust?  Numbers goes on to say, "The men who had gone up with him said, 'We can't attack those people; they are stronger than we are.'  And they spread among the Israelites a ad report about the land where they had explored." 
As I sat there thinking of these things, my mind wandered to an ever-familiar passage from John 15:5, "I am the vine, you are the branches."  How does this relate to the story of the Israelites?
What do grapes grow on?
Vines, excatly.
The Israelites saw fear and opposition where God wanted them to see hope.  In John, Christ beautifully paints a picture of Himself as the vine and us, his Church, the body of Christ, as the branches.  The Israelites could've looked at that vine and see God's hand at work.  They could've seen the blessings that God was going to pour out on them and the plans he had for them.  Instead, they chose to see the bad.  They saw the giants and the opposition.  They saw things that would stand in their way and got afraid.  They forgot Who they had behind them and the Strength they had within them.
He was the vine of grapes that day to the Israelites beckoning them forward to take the Promised Land as He was giving it to them, yet they were too blind to see Him.
He is our hope.  He is our salvation.  He is our strength.  Yet so often, the circumstances around us, the temptations that try to bring us down, the whispered attacks and lies of the devil himself try to drown out that hope.  They try to grab our attention and take it off of Christ and to instead focus our attention on ourselves and our own weakness.  But that's the thing, when we're focusing on ourselves and the things happening around us we lose the strength we have in Christ.  As imperfect, sinful humans we are weak.  It's when we keep our eyes solely fixated on Him that we have strength to conquer the day's challenges and to rise above our environment, to resist temptation and put it to death once and for all.
So I write this as a challenge, but also encouragement.  The next time a giant comes into your view or something rises up that wants to steal your attention away from Christ, remember the Israelites.  When they lost focus on God, instead of receiving the promises and His blessings, they were sent back out to wander in the desert for 40 years.
Keep your focus on Him, because only then will you have the strength to rise above. 


--DyingAnOriginal

Camp Hebron Update Vol. 1

So it's been two weeks since I have left my normal routine of sleep, eat, work, sleep, repeat, and moved down to Halifax, PA, for the summer to work as a camp counselor at Camp Hebron.  Might I say that it has been an amazing move so far, and I'm so happy that I'm here.  I wish I could tell you all the countless stories that I have of awesome things happening during orientation week, how the staff bonded and united under the name of Christ, how I've seen God at work, or the funny stories of camp things happening.  It's been an amazing two weeks so far, so let me bring you up to speed with what's been happening...

Week 1:  Staff Orientation Week
First off, let me preface this by saying that before I got to camp, I was somewhat unsure of myself.  It had been two years since I had been a counselor, or even in leadership, responsible for kids.  Did I still have what it takes?  When my boss here initially contacted me, I didn't have some vision from heaven saying, "Go to camp, Ben!", and I felt a lot of turmoil inside.  Will God bless me if I take this position?  Camp has always been a refuge of safety and fun for me, so taking the position was a no-brainer for me, but was it what God wanted for my life?  It was with all these thoughts that I hesitantly turned off of Camp Hebron Road onto the Camp driveway.  As soon as I started driving down the driveway, though, I felt a peace flood through my veins.  This is where I'm supposed to be, and God will use me this summer.
Orientation went by in a blur of fun and frantic awesomeness.  I quickly made friends with most of the staff here and felt the staff bond pretty quickly and closely.  One highlight of the week was the campout.  Each year, as part of our training, we have a guys campout and a girls campout.  This year was definitely one of the better ones.  After gorging on hot dogs, chips, cookies, and carrots, and very manly things were discussed, we sat around and just got to know each other.  I had already become fairly good friends with one of the camp pastors, Eric, and we had had several very deep and engrossing discussions by Tuesday, so we took this opportunity to have some deep conversations. It was around midnight that people started turning in for the night, but God had different plans for Eric and I.  Our discussion had turned from discussing Scripture in Luke to just how hungry for God that I am.  To tell you the truth, after I had graduated high school last year, I entered into a spiritually dry and stagnant time in my life, and I was definitely ready for change.  It was with the power of the Holy Spirit that we left the campout and traveled through camp to one of the chapels.  We had a 2-hour prayer service from midnight until 2 in the morning, just pouring out our hearts to God and seeking Him, asking Him to fill us up.  He met us there.  When someone is hungry for Him, he does not let them go hungry.  I left that night feeling refreshed and ready for God to use me this summer.  My sole desire is for Him to fill me up, overflowing His Spirit, and letting me be a vessel unto the campers that I have this summer.
Some of the highlights of the rest of the week include the footwashing ceremony, the parties in the laundromat, and hanging out and getting to know some of the staff that I will be working closely with this summer.  The week ended, and I was soooo ready for my first batch of campers.

Week 2:  Shalom
For those of you who aren't in the know, but should be in the know, Shalom is a camp for adults with mental disabilities.  This year, our youngest camper was 20 and our oldest was 71, so that gives you a basic idea of what ages we had among the 50 campers.  I worked this camp two years ago when I was on staff last, and enjoyed it immensely.  It's definitely one of the hardest and most exhausting weeks though and patience begins to run thin at moments, but it's so rewarding at the end.  Just being able to spend time with people like this and see the childlike innocence and faith they have is unreal.
This year, I had three of the most awesome campers ever.  One was a veteran of Shalom camp, this being his 10th year.  Another had been there a few times before. The third camper was enjoying his first year.  Going into the week, I was nervous.  You don't really know what to expect most of the time, and considering that I had a camper that had never been there before, I was especially nervous of how he would do.
It's always awesome watching God work through the staff and through the campers during this camp.  Just relying solely on God's strength to get you through the week is a humbling experience alone, and I found myself time and time again going back to Scripture for the refilling and renewing that I needed.
Overall, Shalom was a great week, and I enjoyed having it once again.  It definitely creates a soft spot in your heart for people with disabilities, and after my first year doing it two years ago, I found myself drawn to people with disabilities, especially Downsyndrome.  If you haven't had a chance yet to work with people with disabilities, I'd strongly suggest you do.  It's one of those experiences that will leave you changed, and one that you'll never forget.

This upcoming week I will be in Explorers camp.  Explorers is a camp for 8-9 year olds.  You can prayer for patience, strength, and energy as I will have a cabin of 8 8-9 year old boys...yeah, 'nuff said.  Also, the cabin loop that I'm staying at is known for the presence of large wolf spiders residing in the cabin.  If you know me, you know that I'm deathly terrified of spiders, and sure enough, going into this week, I'm scared that I'll come into contact with one.  Also, pray for wisdom as I prepare devotions for this week.  Pray that I'll be able to really have faith and listen to what God wants to speak through me this week.

I miss you all.  You're all awesome.
Stay classy.

I Am The Fire, The Wind, and The Sea

It is 5 o’clock in the morning on a dreary and rainy Thursday.  Normally, I wouldn’t be up right now, much less blogging.  But a few things happened throughout the night that have given me some thoughts.  Instead of trying to go back to sleep amidst all the excitement happening outside right now, I figured that now would be as good a time as any to try to capture those and write them down.
An hour and a half ago, I was sleeping peacefully, and might I say very deeply.  If I thought long and hard about what I was dreaming about, I could probably remember, but it was of nothing significant.  Suddenly, without warning, I was groggily forced back into waking reality as my mom was calling my name.
“Ben, you should unplug your computer in this storm.”
“What?  Oh.  Computer?  What storm?”
“The one outside.”
I was obviously tired and had my mind still in deep sleep as I stood shakily out of bed and crossed the room to my desktop computer and began hastily turning things off and unplugging them from my power stip.  As I became steadily more aware of my surroundings, I noticed deep, far away grumbles of the thunder, roaming throughout the skies accompanied by the random flashes of lightning that would light up my windows.  I quickly climbed back into bed with plans of sleeping through the storm like usual, but God had some different plans.  As I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, I heard the sounds outside becoming increasingly more violent.  The thunder was louder, the lightning more frequent and constant, and the rain pouring.  Then came the wind.  With great strength the wind would buffet the house, the sounds growing more and more high pitched before dying down and starting back up again.  At first, it was just a strong wind, nothing to worry about.  Within minutes though, the wind grew to such a crashing crescendo that I opened my eyes wide.  The pitch kept getting higher as it whistled towards the windows.  Higher, and higher, and higher.  Stronger, and stronger, and stronger.  Soon, the house began to shake and the windows began to creak, yet still the wind grew.  My eyes were now open wide as I watched the light show play through my windows and listened to the wind.  I’m normally good with storms.  In fact, I enjoy storms and will sometimes sit outside to watch them as they go through, but this was one storm where I was actually scared.  Fear gripped my heart as I heard the wind slam into the house with all it’s might.  I began to imagine all the horrible possibilities of the wind breaking the windows and glass come pouring in, lacerating my skin and destroy my possessions.  Or perhaps the wind would carry a small, but heavy object through the wall downstairs, crushing my dad, and in the blink of an eye, change my life.  The wind outside still played it’s symphony of chaos, as I began to pray for safety and strength for the house, for my family, and for everyone around town as they too, assuredly, listened to the wind.  Without warning, the wind died down.  The thunder, lightning, and rain lived on, but for the most part, the wind was over. 
in my few moments of peace, I took myself back to the times of the Disciples.  Luke 8:22 tells the story of the Disciples facing one of their greatest fears, a storm at sea.  You see, some of them were fishermen and were used to being out at sea and reading the weather, turning back to shore when it began to storm.  Being a fisherman must have instilled the fear of the weather in them.  Probably one too many times, they had been caught in a storm, their boat being rocked like a cork amidst the great sea, lightning lighting up the sky and the fear on each other’s faces and thunder crashing all around them.  Storms at sea were nasty, and if anyone knew this, it was the Disciples.  In Luke, the Disciples take a trip from one side of a lake, to the other side, and while on that short trip, a storm, seemingly out of nowhere, catches them all off guard.  Now, these guys had assuredly seen their fair share of bad storms, and were used to storms of that magnitude, but there was something different about this storm.  Luke 23 says that the boat was swamped and they were in great danger.  They were even so afraid that they aroused Jesus (who was sleeping), and trying to be heard above the noise, screamed, “Master, master, we’re going to drown!”  The Bible doesn’t tell us much of what happened next.  In fact, I’ve always been impressed with the way that it handles what happened next.  Verse 24, “He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. 25 ‘Where is your faith’, he asked the Disciples.”  In my mind, I can see Jesus standing calmly in the rocking boat as He gently waves his hands bringing peace over the climactic weather.  And after the weather begins to subside, He turns around and looks at His Disciples with a, “Seriously?  I mean…really, guys?  C’mon”, look. 
As I laid in bed this morning and thought about this, the end of the story really stood out to me.  After calming the storm and questioning the Disciples on their lack of faith, they look at one another with amazement and wide eyes and say, “Who is this?  He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey Him.”  In my fear and prayer this morning, I realized that God has full control of the storms.  Not only literally, but figuratively.  With a flick of His wrist, He caused the wind to blow that hard this morning, and with a snap of His fingers, allowed it to gently and gradually subside.  Who am I to fear?  Who am I to question God?  Fear is my response to God when I don’t trust what He’s doing.  Who am I to think that my plans are better than His?  Not only does He command the physical weather, but He also commands the weather of our lives.  In good times and bad He’s there seeing us through it.  And with a flick of His wrist he could have all the pain and sorrow of this lifetime go away. 
He doesn’t. 
Let me say that again.
He doesn’t.
Where would the growth and strength come from if during every trying time, He made the problems go away?  How would we not only strengthen our faith in Him, but also the strength and wisdom in ourselves?  In the midst of the storms, in the middle of the pain, the brokenness, the hurt, the anger, the torment, the sorrow, the confusion and frustration, the times that you don’t understand what’s going on, the times that you wish things could swing in your favor for once but they don’t, the times that you look up to the sky and let your heart cry out, “God!  Where are you?” 
He’s there. 
In the middle of the storm, He’s there. 
You’re not alone.  Your God is here.
As the fear quickly subsided inside, and the peace of God took its rightful place in my heart, I began to doze back asleep, praying for safety during the duration of the storm.  It was at this point, that I heard a knock on the door.  3:56 AM.  Give me a break.
“What?”
The door opened and my Mom’s silhouette filtered into my room. 
“Did you hear the tree fall out front?”
“What tree?” 
“The tree right next to the driveway fell down.  You didn’t hear it?”
“Whattt?!”  I began to sit upright at this point.  The first thought that ran through my mind.  My car.  The tree had landed on my car and that was just one more expense that I would have to take care of as I start school in the fall.  “What about the—“
“The cars are okay.  The tree missed your car by a couple feet.  Dad called the borough office and the police and they’re going to be coming by to chop it up.  It’s lying across the whole road and blocking traffic.  One truck almost ran into it already.”   
“…What the heck?”
And right now I’m listening to the sounds of chainsaws and wood choppers out front.  Everything’s going to be okay.  Within an hour or two, the tree will be gone.  My car will be safe.  The house will be safe.  My family will be safe, and I can go into a 10-hour day at work on 2 hours of sleep.  Life is good, but God is greater. 
You’re not alone.
You’re God is here.
My God is with me.
In the middle of the storm, He’s there.
He’s here.

--DyingAnOriginal

Abstience: Why?

They asked me why I do what I do.
"Ben, why do you not have sex? Why are you still a virgin?"
For a while, the thoughts and same questions have been plaguing my own mind. Why do I do what I do? Or rather, why do I do what I don't? It's taken me a few weeks to finally formulate an answer. Well, one that I like, anyway. I never really liked giving Biblical, "Sunday School" answers. You know, the ones that you were taught to say in Sunday School when you were in elementary and middle school. The teacher would pose a question to you like, "Why is evolution unbiblical?", and after stumbling over your words and stammering, she filled your mouth with words with a straight up answer of, "Genesis 1:1 and John 1:1. You should know this by now, Ben."
I never really liked those moments. I'd rather find my answers for myself. I'm an explorer. Give me a question or something to find out for you, and I WILL find it out. Don't hand feed it to me, but let me experience it on my own. You could tell me to do something the right way, but until my way fails and I experience that failure, I won't do it the right way. I'll just do it my way, thank you. I feel like the world, as non-Christians would not fully understand my Biblical answer about why or why I don't do something.
"Ben, why do you not have sex? Why are you still a virgin?"
"Uhh…because the Bible says so and that's what God wants from me, and I want to honor Him."
"I don't believe in God…"
"Well…"
And that's where the awkward silence of raised eyebrows would come in as they look at me questioningly, waiting for a logical answer to their simple question.
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how spiritual it is. The world may not understand my answer, and that's fine. What matters is that I possibly plant a seed or even open up questions for them. What matters is that I believe what I believe. Period. You may not understand it, and it might not make a whole lot of sense, but my beliefs are my own. It no longer becomes important for me to make sense to the world, not seem weird, and to be "safe". What becomes important is that I stand firm in my belief, explain it to the best I can, and pray for the best.
Recently, I came across a band named Prepared Like A Bride. Christian metal band. Good music. But what I can't get over, and this is partly what led me to the epiphany of why I do what I don't do, is the name. Prepared Like A Bride. Prepared Like A Bride. Prepared Like A Bride. Pure and spotless. Holy and set apart. Astonishingly beautiful and breathtaking. Oh how I long to stand at the altar some day and watch in awe, breathless, as I watch my bride-to-be take her first steps down the aisle, arm-in-arm with her father. Writing this now, I feel the grip on my heart. The tug on my emotions. The longing within. Pure and spotless. Astonishingly beautiful and breathtaking. Holy and set apart.
In Revelation 19, we are first exposed to the meeting between Christ, coming down from heaven, and the church, ascending to heaven. In the beginning of Revelation 19, a multitude begins to shout praises and affirmation to God. "He has condemned the great prostitute [Satan] who has corrupted the earth by her adulteries [sin]…Hallelujah…Praise our God all you His servants…" Pretty worshipful stuff, here. Finally, in verse 7 the analogy of the church being the bride of Christ, enters the room. Breathtaking. Commanding awe and wonder. "Let us rejoice and be glad and give Him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear." Later, an angel even invites the writer of Revelation, John, to join in on the wedding reception of this wedding between Christ and his bride, the church. The rest of Revelation 19 and for most of chapter 20 is spent talking about the defeat of Satan by Christ. The end of the world. The ultimate wrath, love, and justice of God being poured out on mankind one last time. In chapter 21, the references pick back up. First, it compares the New Jerusalem that Christ has prepared for the church as the new bride (v. 2). What really gets me here, though, is verse 9. John, still viewing this awesome story laid out before him via vision, sees an angel who says to him, "Come, I will show you the bride [the church, now in heaven], the wife of The Lamb." It is for that very sentence that I choose abstinence, that I choose purity.
Throughout the entire Bible, we see time after time that Christ commands, not only a life of purity, but that man and woman wait for each other. This is most notable in Genesis 1 where it talks about husband and wife leaving parents and joining. Becoming one. In Song of Solomon, we see an epic metaphor of a love affair between a husband and wife being compared to the undying love that Christ has for the church, and the love that we should have for Christ. In the gospels Christ reinstates time after time that to even lust is adultery. Paul follows this concept up throughout the entirety of his Pauline Epistles.
My one desire as a Christian is—or at least needs to be—to be one with Christ. To follow his commands, to keep him holy and imminent in my life, and to make his name, glory, holiness, and love known throughout the entire earth. To be so in tune with Him and connected that my ways are His ways and that His thoughts are my thoughts.
Obviously, if Christ calls me to be pure and I defy that command, that goes against everything I believe and everything I want. That becomes a sin between Christ and I and something that keeps me from becoming one with Him and bringing Him glory in and through my life. So if you ask why I remain abstinent that is the very basic reason. I want to do what Christ wants and I wish to honor Him with my life. Steering away from His holy and perfect plan of purity does not do this, and is therefore something I don't need in my life, and something that keeps me from Him.
On a deeper level, though, I want to be holy and spotless when I am presented to Christ. As the church is the pure and spotless bride of Christ, so my own marriage needs to be pure and spotless and holy before the Lord. Defiling the marriage bed before marriage and going against His plan takes away that purity and paints a stain on that white garment. God's church is pure and spotless. God's bride is pure and spotless. So my marriage needs to be pure and spotless.
On a basic note, though, it's just smarter. With all the STD's and sicknesses running rampant throughout our culture, I don't want to end up with one. I don't want any chance of endangering my wife's health and sanity by sleeping around right now. In turn, I hope and pray that she feels the same. Knowing that my wife has a STD that could potentially infect me would take away a lot from the experience of sex.
I mean, do I even look like I can afford and handle a kid right now?
I want my wedding night, and the rest of my marriage, to be meaningful. I've heard it said multiple times that sex is the glue that holds marriage and love together. Without that sex, and without that glue, it falls apart. How can that glue be strong if it doesn't mean anything? Having sex now takes away exponentially from the true meaning of sharing that experience for the first time with the one person in your entire life who you will have that experience with. The true greatness and happiness of sex diminishes each time, and before you know it, it soon becomes another mundane task. Saving it for marriage helps it to keep some of that shiny lustre. Much like I will undress my wife on our wedding night, so we will finally unwrap the gift of sex together that first night and find a shiny and mysterious gift that we need to experience together.
So with these thoughts, hopes, and prayers in my mind, I press forward. I can't say this journey has been easy, and I can't say that I haven't thought about giving in. In fact, I think about what I could gain by giving in right now fairly often. But in the end, what really matters and what really lasts are the choices that I make in the heat of the moment.
Walk with me.

--DyingAnOriginal

 

 

 

Resurrection

This thought has been on mind for years now.  I can remember it first starting when I was still a little shaver in Jr. High, and I was just being introduced to the "heavy" music scene (in particular, Christian).  Music has always been one of my passions.  I remember the first "heavy" concert that I went to was a Pillar concert back in '06 (?) in Philly.  At the time, their new CD was the cutting edge Christian hard rock, and I was all for it.  In fact, I later declared them my favorite band after I had bought their album, "Where Do We Go From Here", and had almost worn it out from playing it so many times.  It was there that I found a deeper worship.  Something that wasn't happening in churches.  See, in my experience, churches are always too afraid to offend someone.  Please the masses and find something suitable that everyone can agree with.  Discovering this in my "rebellious" years couldn't have been at a more convenient time as I quickly found out that the heavy music refuge that I was creating for myself and retreating in to was soon to be taking the place and becoming my worship.  The worship that no one else would understand because it's "loud" and "heavy".  "It has too many beats!"; "You can't understand the words!"; "The devil's music, that is!"
Really?
Seriously?
...
Really?
One of my favorite songs on aforementioned album was called, "Simply".  The chorus ("You simply love / despite all the stupid things I've done...") and the heartfelt verses would seize my heart every...single...time.  Not the, "Wow, that's really cool", seize, but the, "God...what have I done with myself?  I don't deserve this love." flat out grateful on the floor seize.  As my musical tastes developed and I steered my ears away from the CCM artists on the local radio station like Third Day, Casting Crowns, and Steven Curtis Chapman, I dived deeper and deeper into this "murky" world of heavy music to which so many people found offense in.  My tastes got heavier and heavier, and within a year or two I was listening to anything from Swedish death metal to hardcore.  And as my tastes became greater, so did the concern of my parents.  A huge stepping stone was my first official "metal" concert--Demon Hunter, Living Sacrifice, Becoming the Archetype, Zao, and August Burns Red on the cusp of popularity.  I bought a few of Demon Hunter's records because I was really into it and brought them home.  I have to admit, now that I look back on the moment, I was scared.  What would my parents think?  Say?  Do?  Sure enough, my fears were justified as they both expressed concern.  "If you can't understand what they're saying, how is it God-honoring?"  Again...
...really?
See, here's my biggest beef, and I couldn't care less who I offend with this next statement because I believe it wholeheartedly, but the church is blind and wandering on dead-end roads.  Hymns are dead.  The songs you used to sing at your Grandma's church when you visited her are gone, and if you still sing them, I'm sorry, but you're old-fashioned and not doing anything to help the current image of Christianity.  In high school, I did a report on the book, "unChristian", by Gabe Lyons.  In it, he chronicles the top stereotypes of Christians and why they are that way.  I have to admit, it wasn't a fun book to read, but the stereotypes are forever burned in my mind--old-fashioned being one of the most prominent.  Who would want to join and outdated religion?  

"If we are to reach the current unsaved population, we need to modernize.  Plain and simple."--Ben Geib

Now, I'll admit, there are some churches in America that have worship (if we are to define worship as singing and praise Sunday mornings) correct.  I can think of several off the top of my head right now, and if I was to think hard, I could think of more.  But the majority of the church population wastes itself away in the olden days.  This was where I was, caught in a place where I needed worship that I could connect with, something with meaning and passion, and facing a dead church that sang songs that I could not connect with.  In need for passion, I went heavier and heavier.  Listening to bands tearing their throats out screaming, "Great Councilor, take what's left of me!" was something that I could connect with.  "Rock of ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in thee", was not.

And that's where I'm at now.  Is the music offensive?  Yes.  To some.  But to tell you the straight up truth, I've seen more passion and more worship happening at hardcore concerts in the mosh pits and on the stage than I have at almost every church I've been at.  So you tell me, why do we ostracize something so strange and so foreign and dangerous if it has power and the potential to connect with a dying world and yet cling to the thing that separates us from them?  One of my friends told me a story of being in a small, seedy bar in the middle of Harrisburg watching a Celtic punk band rock out the tiny stage.  Who knows who was there that night?  In a bar, one can only guess.  As they rip through their set, they end with one, final song--a punk rendition of Amazing Grace.  As the popular ballad soars through the small, rough crowd my friend tells me with water starting to well up in his eyes, "I saw more worship there, in that little seedy bar than I have at church."  And I recall the picture that one of my friends took of a kid, gauges and all kneeling in the middle of a mosh pit and Purple Door with hands upraised to the sky simply worshiping.

So I close and I plead the church to modernize.  Obviously, screaming Oh, Sleeper and The Chariot on Sunday mornings would turn most off and away, but seriously consider the job you have and the stance with which you condemn heavy music.  I fully believe that it helped save my life, and if mine, why not others?

Rock on.
SIbrokenDE