When stuff happens in my life and I get really discouraged or down I have a tendency to turn to material things to make me happy. I mean, don't we all? Life could be going great for us, and then all of a sudden something happens and we forget who holds our future. We get scared and we see the wind and the waves around us like Peter did in Matthew 14 and we start sinking. We take our eyes off of Jesus and the Truth and we set our eyes on the troubles of this world. That's when we try to satisfy ourselves and fill the empty, hurting, broken soul inside of us with something of this world that is just as empty and broken. When we stop drinking water from the well of life that can only truly satisfy us, we begin drinking water from the well of the world which leaves us only more thirsty and longing for satisfaction.
Rewind several months ago, things were great. Everything was perfect and couldn't be better. School was going well, for once I wasn't stressed at work, I was saving up money, I was beating old habits and growing into something better, I had the best friends in the world, I loved Jesus and felt close to Him and had a strong connection with Him. What more could I want? It's when we're at our strongest, most confident points that Satan finds a little crack to agitate into a failing foundation. That one thing that he can find to work at and wiggle into our minds and lives to tear us away, he'll work at until it becomes a crippling wound. Why? Because he wants to tear us away from Jesus and is continually trying to find ways to discourage our faith in Him. That's what he did to me. Like I said, life was going fantastic and then all of a sudden, it wasn't. People began to let me down and hurt me, I started to fall behind in school, I began struggling again with old habits, I was failing at reading my Bible, I began to get more easily distracted and lazy. I was at the well of life and had dropped my ladle back into the well and had spied another well pretty close by that I ran to to taste if that water was any sweeter. It wasn't, but I drank anyway. Thus, I entered into a video game "addiction". To say that I was addicted is pretty strong, because I wasn't. But it's what I turned to in my free time (which I surprisingly had a lot of) to try to take my mind off of life and make me happy. Instead of spending those precious moments with God, I turned to trying to save virtual worlds and galaxies and shooting make-believe enemies.
I fought back and forth with myself for a month and a half. Subconsciously, I knew what I was doing was a waste of time and making me incredibly lazy. I was convicted that I was wasting time doing something that had no meaning at all when I could be out in the world building relationships and impacting souls for the Kingdom. Consciously, I frankly wasn't ready to care enough to quit. Dangerous waters I was in. However, as time went out, my subconscious began to be my conscious and more and more I felt convicted in what I was doing and the time I was wasting. I began to fight more and limit myself to a certain amount of time a day. I began to recognize the games as distractions. Distractions that were keeping me from spending time with Jesus and doing anything productive and distractions that needed to be eradicated. It was around this time that I began to think over the past two years and where I had been with video games. I play games almost purely for the social aspect and never for the self-fulfilment. I am addicted to the competition and the camaraderie among friends. Over the past two years, I had justified countless hours of gaming with that social aspect, and it was becoming a real problem.
For those of you who know me well, you know that someday (hopefully soon) I want to get married and start a family. That is one of the strongest desires and passions that God has placed in my life. As I began to look back over the last few years I began to realize how unprepared and "un"ready I was to take on the position of a father figure and husband. Here I was, letting myself become a slave to my addictions and fleshly desires when I wanted to get married and start a family within the next few years. The two lives just don't mix.
This was around the time that I went to Passion Conference 2012 in Atlanta, Georgia. Over the previous two weeks leading up to the conference I had been preparing myself, preparing my heart for the work that God wanted to do in me down at Passion. I was going to take a retreat away from life and just really spend time listening to his voice and soaking in as much as I could of Him like a sponge. During the first night of worship while we were down there, I remember God ministering to me and speaking to me during the first night. I began thinking about my life and what needed to change in the New Year (it was January 1st) and how badly I wanted to change and "grow up". God said, "Ben, there's two things you need to do. 1) Get rid of distractions in your life and focus on me. Video games need to go. Period. 2) Let yourself move on from past hurts and regrets and forgive yourself and those that have hurt you. You're staying too much in the past, and how can I lead you into a bright future when you want to stay in a dark past?" So that's what I did.
When I came home, I deleted every game on my computer that I had acquired over the past few years. It was a somewhat painful process because part of me, part of my heart still longed for the entertainment and enjoyment I got out of playing those games. However, a greater part of my heart longed for the healing that came with Christ. Second thing I did was write a letter expressing all my ill feelings towards people who hurt me in the past. I have yet to burn it, but I have fully forgiven them in my heart.
This brings me to where I am today. Video game free. What I don't want you to do is please, please, please don't think that I'm saying that video games are bad because they're absolutely not. In fact, I hope that one day I can go back to playing video games and enjoy them again because I like them and like the competition and fun they bring, but only when I can handle them maturely where they won't take over my life or grow weeds to choke out the life I have in Christ. What I am saying, though, is that video games are a dangerous thing to mess with, and it's something that I wished I had the strength to let go of a long time ago. They can suck your life away and provide a distraction and wall in your life that makes it exponentially harder for you to hear from Christ and spend time with Him. Be careful, that's my warning to you.
This is what I want you to leave with, though. Whatever is closest to your heart, whatever is something that you desire, whatever your passion is, and whatever you enjoy doing is it close enough to your heart that you'd have a really hard time giving it up if God asked you to? We tend to hold onto our lives like a ball of yarn in a closed fist. The more we clench our fist, the more tangled and knotted the yarn becomes and the harder it is to become untangled again. If what you love and what touches your heart is more important than God in your life and keeps you from living for Him and serving Him, then a change must be made. We can't afford to drink from earthly wells that will only make us more thirsty when we can drink from the well of Life that will quench all other thirsts. We have one life, and is this life so important that we can't let go of things to think of the next one?
I recently went to a concert in Lemoyne and the band played one of my favorite songs with some of my favorite lines.
"Woah, if only you had known, if only you had know. That this world is not your home, is not your home. Say what you will, but I'll still be standing. Safe and secure, undeservingly pure you found me. I lost it all, ignored Your call, Your grace abounding. Giver of life, guide me home. Guide me home."
This world is not our home. So why do we give into things and make a home for ourselves and store up treasures here when we can be storing up greater and invaluable treasures in our real home?
--DyingAnOriginal
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