Consume me, Father. Break in, take hold.
I've lived my life in deceit, and only you can make me new.
We pray for Your Fire, and we pray for Your Rain.
Come alive in us, come burn within.
My heart is deceitful and it knows no truth
My eyes have been blinded by my own ignorance
God, only you can reveal the misdeeds of my past
Only you can fill me with a flame that lasts.
Come now, Spirit and show me Your wisdom
I need to see the sin that I've turned a blind eye towards
Only you can show me the way.
Teach me, alight me today.
Not sure if these are really messy lyrics or a prayer. I'll go with both.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
This world is not my home.
When stuff happens in my life and I get really discouraged or down I have a tendency to turn to material things to make me happy. I mean, don't we all? Life could be going great for us, and then all of a sudden something happens and we forget who holds our future. We get scared and we see the wind and the waves around us like Peter did in Matthew 14 and we start sinking. We take our eyes off of Jesus and the Truth and we set our eyes on the troubles of this world. That's when we try to satisfy ourselves and fill the empty, hurting, broken soul inside of us with something of this world that is just as empty and broken. When we stop drinking water from the well of life that can only truly satisfy us, we begin drinking water from the well of the world which leaves us only more thirsty and longing for satisfaction.
Rewind several months ago, things were great. Everything was perfect and couldn't be better. School was going well, for once I wasn't stressed at work, I was saving up money, I was beating old habits and growing into something better, I had the best friends in the world, I loved Jesus and felt close to Him and had a strong connection with Him. What more could I want? It's when we're at our strongest, most confident points that Satan finds a little crack to agitate into a failing foundation. That one thing that he can find to work at and wiggle into our minds and lives to tear us away, he'll work at until it becomes a crippling wound. Why? Because he wants to tear us away from Jesus and is continually trying to find ways to discourage our faith in Him. That's what he did to me. Like I said, life was going fantastic and then all of a sudden, it wasn't. People began to let me down and hurt me, I started to fall behind in school, I began struggling again with old habits, I was failing at reading my Bible, I began to get more easily distracted and lazy. I was at the well of life and had dropped my ladle back into the well and had spied another well pretty close by that I ran to to taste if that water was any sweeter. It wasn't, but I drank anyway. Thus, I entered into a video game "addiction". To say that I was addicted is pretty strong, because I wasn't. But it's what I turned to in my free time (which I surprisingly had a lot of) to try to take my mind off of life and make me happy. Instead of spending those precious moments with God, I turned to trying to save virtual worlds and galaxies and shooting make-believe enemies.
I fought back and forth with myself for a month and a half. Subconsciously, I knew what I was doing was a waste of time and making me incredibly lazy. I was convicted that I was wasting time doing something that had no meaning at all when I could be out in the world building relationships and impacting souls for the Kingdom. Consciously, I frankly wasn't ready to care enough to quit. Dangerous waters I was in. However, as time went out, my subconscious began to be my conscious and more and more I felt convicted in what I was doing and the time I was wasting. I began to fight more and limit myself to a certain amount of time a day. I began to recognize the games as distractions. Distractions that were keeping me from spending time with Jesus and doing anything productive and distractions that needed to be eradicated. It was around this time that I began to think over the past two years and where I had been with video games. I play games almost purely for the social aspect and never for the self-fulfilment. I am addicted to the competition and the camaraderie among friends. Over the past two years, I had justified countless hours of gaming with that social aspect, and it was becoming a real problem.
For those of you who know me well, you know that someday (hopefully soon) I want to get married and start a family. That is one of the strongest desires and passions that God has placed in my life. As I began to look back over the last few years I began to realize how unprepared and "un"ready I was to take on the position of a father figure and husband. Here I was, letting myself become a slave to my addictions and fleshly desires when I wanted to get married and start a family within the next few years. The two lives just don't mix.
This was around the time that I went to Passion Conference 2012 in Atlanta, Georgia. Over the previous two weeks leading up to the conference I had been preparing myself, preparing my heart for the work that God wanted to do in me down at Passion. I was going to take a retreat away from life and just really spend time listening to his voice and soaking in as much as I could of Him like a sponge. During the first night of worship while we were down there, I remember God ministering to me and speaking to me during the first night. I began thinking about my life and what needed to change in the New Year (it was January 1st) and how badly I wanted to change and "grow up". God said, "Ben, there's two things you need to do. 1) Get rid of distractions in your life and focus on me. Video games need to go. Period. 2) Let yourself move on from past hurts and regrets and forgive yourself and those that have hurt you. You're staying too much in the past, and how can I lead you into a bright future when you want to stay in a dark past?" So that's what I did.
When I came home, I deleted every game on my computer that I had acquired over the past few years. It was a somewhat painful process because part of me, part of my heart still longed for the entertainment and enjoyment I got out of playing those games. However, a greater part of my heart longed for the healing that came with Christ. Second thing I did was write a letter expressing all my ill feelings towards people who hurt me in the past. I have yet to burn it, but I have fully forgiven them in my heart.
This brings me to where I am today. Video game free. What I don't want you to do is please, please, please don't think that I'm saying that video games are bad because they're absolutely not. In fact, I hope that one day I can go back to playing video games and enjoy them again because I like them and like the competition and fun they bring, but only when I can handle them maturely where they won't take over my life or grow weeds to choke out the life I have in Christ. What I am saying, though, is that video games are a dangerous thing to mess with, and it's something that I wished I had the strength to let go of a long time ago. They can suck your life away and provide a distraction and wall in your life that makes it exponentially harder for you to hear from Christ and spend time with Him. Be careful, that's my warning to you.
This is what I want you to leave with, though. Whatever is closest to your heart, whatever is something that you desire, whatever your passion is, and whatever you enjoy doing is it close enough to your heart that you'd have a really hard time giving it up if God asked you to? We tend to hold onto our lives like a ball of yarn in a closed fist. The more we clench our fist, the more tangled and knotted the yarn becomes and the harder it is to become untangled again. If what you love and what touches your heart is more important than God in your life and keeps you from living for Him and serving Him, then a change must be made. We can't afford to drink from earthly wells that will only make us more thirsty when we can drink from the well of Life that will quench all other thirsts. We have one life, and is this life so important that we can't let go of things to think of the next one?
I recently went to a concert in Lemoyne and the band played one of my favorite songs with some of my favorite lines.
"Woah, if only you had known, if only you had know. That this world is not your home, is not your home. Say what you will, but I'll still be standing. Safe and secure, undeservingly pure you found me. I lost it all, ignored Your call, Your grace abounding. Giver of life, guide me home. Guide me home."
This world is not our home. So why do we give into things and make a home for ourselves and store up treasures here when we can be storing up greater and invaluable treasures in our real home?
--DyingAnOriginal
Rewind several months ago, things were great. Everything was perfect and couldn't be better. School was going well, for once I wasn't stressed at work, I was saving up money, I was beating old habits and growing into something better, I had the best friends in the world, I loved Jesus and felt close to Him and had a strong connection with Him. What more could I want? It's when we're at our strongest, most confident points that Satan finds a little crack to agitate into a failing foundation. That one thing that he can find to work at and wiggle into our minds and lives to tear us away, he'll work at until it becomes a crippling wound. Why? Because he wants to tear us away from Jesus and is continually trying to find ways to discourage our faith in Him. That's what he did to me. Like I said, life was going fantastic and then all of a sudden, it wasn't. People began to let me down and hurt me, I started to fall behind in school, I began struggling again with old habits, I was failing at reading my Bible, I began to get more easily distracted and lazy. I was at the well of life and had dropped my ladle back into the well and had spied another well pretty close by that I ran to to taste if that water was any sweeter. It wasn't, but I drank anyway. Thus, I entered into a video game "addiction". To say that I was addicted is pretty strong, because I wasn't. But it's what I turned to in my free time (which I surprisingly had a lot of) to try to take my mind off of life and make me happy. Instead of spending those precious moments with God, I turned to trying to save virtual worlds and galaxies and shooting make-believe enemies.
I fought back and forth with myself for a month and a half. Subconsciously, I knew what I was doing was a waste of time and making me incredibly lazy. I was convicted that I was wasting time doing something that had no meaning at all when I could be out in the world building relationships and impacting souls for the Kingdom. Consciously, I frankly wasn't ready to care enough to quit. Dangerous waters I was in. However, as time went out, my subconscious began to be my conscious and more and more I felt convicted in what I was doing and the time I was wasting. I began to fight more and limit myself to a certain amount of time a day. I began to recognize the games as distractions. Distractions that were keeping me from spending time with Jesus and doing anything productive and distractions that needed to be eradicated. It was around this time that I began to think over the past two years and where I had been with video games. I play games almost purely for the social aspect and never for the self-fulfilment. I am addicted to the competition and the camaraderie among friends. Over the past two years, I had justified countless hours of gaming with that social aspect, and it was becoming a real problem.
For those of you who know me well, you know that someday (hopefully soon) I want to get married and start a family. That is one of the strongest desires and passions that God has placed in my life. As I began to look back over the last few years I began to realize how unprepared and "un"ready I was to take on the position of a father figure and husband. Here I was, letting myself become a slave to my addictions and fleshly desires when I wanted to get married and start a family within the next few years. The two lives just don't mix.
This was around the time that I went to Passion Conference 2012 in Atlanta, Georgia. Over the previous two weeks leading up to the conference I had been preparing myself, preparing my heart for the work that God wanted to do in me down at Passion. I was going to take a retreat away from life and just really spend time listening to his voice and soaking in as much as I could of Him like a sponge. During the first night of worship while we were down there, I remember God ministering to me and speaking to me during the first night. I began thinking about my life and what needed to change in the New Year (it was January 1st) and how badly I wanted to change and "grow up". God said, "Ben, there's two things you need to do. 1) Get rid of distractions in your life and focus on me. Video games need to go. Period. 2) Let yourself move on from past hurts and regrets and forgive yourself and those that have hurt you. You're staying too much in the past, and how can I lead you into a bright future when you want to stay in a dark past?" So that's what I did.
When I came home, I deleted every game on my computer that I had acquired over the past few years. It was a somewhat painful process because part of me, part of my heart still longed for the entertainment and enjoyment I got out of playing those games. However, a greater part of my heart longed for the healing that came with Christ. Second thing I did was write a letter expressing all my ill feelings towards people who hurt me in the past. I have yet to burn it, but I have fully forgiven them in my heart.
This brings me to where I am today. Video game free. What I don't want you to do is please, please, please don't think that I'm saying that video games are bad because they're absolutely not. In fact, I hope that one day I can go back to playing video games and enjoy them again because I like them and like the competition and fun they bring, but only when I can handle them maturely where they won't take over my life or grow weeds to choke out the life I have in Christ. What I am saying, though, is that video games are a dangerous thing to mess with, and it's something that I wished I had the strength to let go of a long time ago. They can suck your life away and provide a distraction and wall in your life that makes it exponentially harder for you to hear from Christ and spend time with Him. Be careful, that's my warning to you.
This is what I want you to leave with, though. Whatever is closest to your heart, whatever is something that you desire, whatever your passion is, and whatever you enjoy doing is it close enough to your heart that you'd have a really hard time giving it up if God asked you to? We tend to hold onto our lives like a ball of yarn in a closed fist. The more we clench our fist, the more tangled and knotted the yarn becomes and the harder it is to become untangled again. If what you love and what touches your heart is more important than God in your life and keeps you from living for Him and serving Him, then a change must be made. We can't afford to drink from earthly wells that will only make us more thirsty when we can drink from the well of Life that will quench all other thirsts. We have one life, and is this life so important that we can't let go of things to think of the next one?
I recently went to a concert in Lemoyne and the band played one of my favorite songs with some of my favorite lines.
"Woah, if only you had known, if only you had know. That this world is not your home, is not your home. Say what you will, but I'll still be standing. Safe and secure, undeservingly pure you found me. I lost it all, ignored Your call, Your grace abounding. Giver of life, guide me home. Guide me home."
This world is not our home. So why do we give into things and make a home for ourselves and store up treasures here when we can be storing up greater and invaluable treasures in our real home?
--DyingAnOriginal
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Good is relative. Jesus is absolute.
For those of you who don't know, I'm currently going through my One Year Bible that I got a couple years ago. January 18th is honestly farther than I've ever made it before, and I'm loving every Word that the Spirit breathes into me. I've changed a lot over the years, and I'm realizing that it's time to grow up and get serious about my faith and what I believe. No more of this little kid stuff. Hence, why I want to start blogging and writing more. Hence, why I have close to 30 books stacked up on my dresser ready for me to dive into them. Hence, why I'm leaving video games behind (that blog will come later, come to think of it). I've told myself a couple times in the almost three weeks that we've been in 2012, "This is my year. This is where I step up." Fact is, I'm changing, and I couldn't be more happy about it. They've always said that New Years' is a good place to start something or change your life, and I've always believed it. I've never experienced it before. You can believe something all you want, but until you experience it, that's where concept becomes truth.
But enough of my rambling, I just wanted to share some stuff with you guys today that I read. Today's reading that stuck out to me was in Matthew 12:22-45 and Psalm 16:2. Little background first, though. Obviously Psalm 16 was a song written by David. At what time of his life, I'm unsure. The Scripture in Matthew 12 is generally all about the Pharisees challenging Jesus and, of course true to form, Jesus blowing their minds. 22-29 talks about a house divided against itself (unity within the church). 30-37 talks about judgment and sin. 38-42 talks about how the people are asking for a sign that Jesus is the Son of God and he gives them the sign of Jonah (three days in the belly, three days in the tomb). Lastly, 43-45 is an interesting passage about casting out demons and evil. Strangely enough, the latter is the one that stuck out to me, and 33-37 as well. Especially when you tie it back into Psalm 16:2.
"When an evil spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then, it says, 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation." Okay, so basically there were these Jewish exorcists back in Jesus' day who would cast out demons, but not do it using Jesus' power and healing. The demon would leave, yes, but spiritually the person would remain unchanged because he didn't have the Jesus in him. He could do all the good works and follow all the laws he was supposed to (the house unoccupied, swept clean, and put in order), but because he didn't have Jesus the demon could then go out and come back in--the man was still susceptible to evil. Let's go back to 33-37:
"Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."
This passage is pretty straight forward. Black and white. You are what you eat. The tree (human) is recognized (spiritually) by its fruit. You will be able to look at someone and should be able to tell if they are a Christian or not by the fruit in their life--things like making disciples, walking in faith, taking care of the poor, sins of omission, sins of commission, worship, walking in love, etc...). "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." Wow. This past summer when I worked at camp, the meaning of the word "Heart" in the Bible has forever been changed. In those days the word "Heart" meant everything you are. It wasn't just your physical body or physical acts, it was everything--your mind, your body, your soul, your strength. Everything. It was who you are. So when I read, "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks", what I really see is, "For out of who you are, what you do, who you worship, and how you walk, that is your example and how you are seen." We will all be judged by our hearts. To quote my youth pastor, "To me it's a heart issue..." So true.
Lastly, Psalm 16:2, "I said to the LORD, 'You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.'" We can do all the good stuff we want and take care of the world, but what does it mean if we don't have God in our lives? It's like that demon that leaves and comes back to find the man's heart still victim to the sin in the world. It's like a rotten plant that can not produce good fruit.
So with all that written, let's tie it all together. All the "good" in the world is pointless unless you do it with one name only on your lips. Jesus. The word "good" when said in a neutral prospective is relative. What is good? What's good for you may not be good for me. Where is the absolute in "good"? With Jesus and faith, however, "good" becomes good. Jesus is good. And when you do good, when you walk in love in Jesus' name, that's where your fruit lies. Without Him, all of our works, all of our "good" is pointless. "LORD, you are my Lord. Apart from you I have no good thing." The only salvation and the only "good" on this earth is Jesus. Just like the Jews Jesus spoke to in Matthew, you can do all the "good" things and follow all the laws of the Prophets, but you're still susceptible to the enemy and evil. Unless you have Him, all your "good" is worthless.
So if people look at your fruit, do they see "good", or do they see Jesus?
--DyingAnOriginal
But enough of my rambling, I just wanted to share some stuff with you guys today that I read. Today's reading that stuck out to me was in Matthew 12:22-45 and Psalm 16:2. Little background first, though. Obviously Psalm 16 was a song written by David. At what time of his life, I'm unsure. The Scripture in Matthew 12 is generally all about the Pharisees challenging Jesus and, of course true to form, Jesus blowing their minds. 22-29 talks about a house divided against itself (unity within the church). 30-37 talks about judgment and sin. 38-42 talks about how the people are asking for a sign that Jesus is the Son of God and he gives them the sign of Jonah (three days in the belly, three days in the tomb). Lastly, 43-45 is an interesting passage about casting out demons and evil. Strangely enough, the latter is the one that stuck out to me, and 33-37 as well. Especially when you tie it back into Psalm 16:2.
"When an evil spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then, it says, 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation." Okay, so basically there were these Jewish exorcists back in Jesus' day who would cast out demons, but not do it using Jesus' power and healing. The demon would leave, yes, but spiritually the person would remain unchanged because he didn't have the Jesus in him. He could do all the good works and follow all the laws he was supposed to (the house unoccupied, swept clean, and put in order), but because he didn't have Jesus the demon could then go out and come back in--the man was still susceptible to evil. Let's go back to 33-37:
"Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."
This passage is pretty straight forward. Black and white. You are what you eat. The tree (human) is recognized (spiritually) by its fruit. You will be able to look at someone and should be able to tell if they are a Christian or not by the fruit in their life--things like making disciples, walking in faith, taking care of the poor, sins of omission, sins of commission, worship, walking in love, etc...). "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." Wow. This past summer when I worked at camp, the meaning of the word "Heart" in the Bible has forever been changed. In those days the word "Heart" meant everything you are. It wasn't just your physical body or physical acts, it was everything--your mind, your body, your soul, your strength. Everything. It was who you are. So when I read, "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks", what I really see is, "For out of who you are, what you do, who you worship, and how you walk, that is your example and how you are seen." We will all be judged by our hearts. To quote my youth pastor, "To me it's a heart issue..." So true.
Lastly, Psalm 16:2, "I said to the LORD, 'You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.'" We can do all the good stuff we want and take care of the world, but what does it mean if we don't have God in our lives? It's like that demon that leaves and comes back to find the man's heart still victim to the sin in the world. It's like a rotten plant that can not produce good fruit.
So with all that written, let's tie it all together. All the "good" in the world is pointless unless you do it with one name only on your lips. Jesus. The word "good" when said in a neutral prospective is relative. What is good? What's good for you may not be good for me. Where is the absolute in "good"? With Jesus and faith, however, "good" becomes good. Jesus is good. And when you do good, when you walk in love in Jesus' name, that's where your fruit lies. Without Him, all of our works, all of our "good" is pointless. "LORD, you are my Lord. Apart from you I have no good thing." The only salvation and the only "good" on this earth is Jesus. Just like the Jews Jesus spoke to in Matthew, you can do all the "good" things and follow all the laws of the Prophets, but you're still susceptible to the enemy and evil. Unless you have Him, all your "good" is worthless.
So if people look at your fruit, do they see "good", or do they see Jesus?
--DyingAnOriginal
Monday, January 16, 2012
I'm still alive?!
Yeah, I know it's been like forever since I've posted a blog, but I want to get back into it. God is doing some incredible things in my life that I can't wait to get down on paper (rather, a blog) and share with you guys. Also, I really like writing, and just want to continue to grow and stretch my imagination and refine my skills, which are rudimentary at best. I promise this site will see more action in the upcoming weeks, especially once I work up the courage and motivation to actually get a strict schedule going. Right now work is pretty slow and I'm faced with a lot of free time which I'm not handling as well as I should. I like to be busy and have things to do, and when I don't and I have a lot of free time I don't know how to handle it other than be incredibly lazy and unmotivated. It's one of the battles I have to face and conquer. With that said, school starts next week and I'll have a lot more structure to my life. Pray that I use that structure to my benefit.
Anyway, yeah.
Prayer requests:
Anyway, yeah.
Prayer requests:
- Continued direction and wisdom concerning the future and college choices.
- More clarity regarding a recent opportunity for street ministry in Harrisburg
- As of tomorrow I will have made it three weeks in my continued battle with impurities of the flesh. Praise the Lord that I'm getting back on track and starting to stand up to temptation.
- God is answering prayers and making known a path to my life by closing doors and opening others. Woohoo, future!
Escape
Start digging trenches to bury the corpses that you're sick of hiding in your closet.
Swallow the lies that you've been breeding behind your man-made pulpit.
Escape from the past and wash the blood from your face.
You're too far gone to keep up this pace.
We've all got our demons to hide and mine are no different.
So step from behind your mask, let go of resentment.
The past is behind, what's done is done.
You've learned your lessons, now it's time to move on.
The husk of you is now left behind.
Empty, hollow, and unrefined.
There's freedom in being broken before each other.
When the decay sets in, you will carry your brother.
All of us have our demons to confront
Stories to tell; battle, an affront.
You can't face this alone, and I can't either.
Let down your guard and be a leader.
Swallow the lies that you've been breeding behind your man-made pulpit.
Escape from the past and wash the blood from your face.
You're too far gone to keep up this pace.
We've all got our demons to hide and mine are no different.
So step from behind your mask, let go of resentment.
The past is behind, what's done is done.
You've learned your lessons, now it's time to move on.
The husk of you is now left behind.
Empty, hollow, and unrefined.
There's freedom in being broken before each other.
When the decay sets in, you will carry your brother.
All of us have our demons to confront
Stories to tell; battle, an affront.
You can't face this alone, and I can't either.
Let down your guard and be a leader.
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