Battlefield

I'm in a war with my mind, and I can smell the bloodshed.  I've been fighting for too long, and the infection  is setting in.  Giving up and letting go, runs against everything I know.  You say You know the Truth, and it will set me free.  How can I be free when I'm too blind to see?  Anxiety placed his dead hands over my eyes and worry screams his lies in my ears.  The future is too dark and I can't find a way.  Let me out.  I need out.  Give me room to breathe.  It's so much easier to live life by what I know, but when knowledge is destroyed where will I go?  The chains of life have got me bound again, crawling, cutting. Digging into my skin.
Time is a lonely enemy.  When will I let go?

100 Days of Disciple Day 10

Lately, I've been down and depressed.  There's just some things going on in my life that have gotten me discouraged.  Things that have spun out of my control. Unsureness in the future.  People have let me down and hurt me.  It's gotten to the point, even, that I've been having bouts of diarrhea on and off and feeling sick just with worry and anxiety about some of the situations.  I don't know what to do, honestly.  And I'm feeling lost and hopeless, cold and alone. 
Needless to say, the trials never come without bringing with them lessons to be learned and new experiences to be had.  This time is no different.  I've been learning and trying to teach myself to first, trust in the Lord that his plan for the future is better than anything I could imagine.  Although it's hard and difficult and I'm still not at the point yet, I'm trying to learn how to let go of situations and just give it to Him and wait for His perfect and pleasing plan.  Even if I know what I want beyond a shadow of doubt, I'm trying with all my might to push that aside and say, "Okay, God.  What do you want for my future?"  Like I said, it's not been easy.  At all.  Secondly, I've been telling myself over and over again to never give up and to never stop fighting for what you want, what you believe in, and what you love.  There's been moments within the past few weeks that I've realized how easy it is to just give in all the time and to never put up a fight.  Folks, if nothing is ever worth fighting for, then what's the point of living? Why am I here?  I agree, things can get difficult, and circumstance may not be as convenient as they could be, and there can be a lot of tears spent, breath wasted screaming to yourself the answers that you wish you could see, and nights given away to sleeplessness as you toss and turn thinking and praying about your life.  Trust me, within the past few weeks I've been at all of those places (I haven't cried though...).  But nothing, absolutely nothing is worse than throwing in the towel on something you believe and giving up.  Nothing is worse than taking the easy way out and settling for less than what you deserve when you could stand up under the flood of commitment and hardship and endure the trials in order to steal the victory that's meant for only the strong.  Giving up is for the pathetic and sick.  Giving in is for the heartless and those crippled by their own vices and own pity.  Who are you controlled by?  Where does the hope lie that courses through your veins?  Never stop fighting, and never give in.  There's always a price to be paid, but the price is worth the prize in the end. 
I'm sure you wonder where I'm going with this and when I'll get to the verse that stood out to me today.  It's here.  Matthew 10:22, "All men will hate you because of Me [Jesus], but he who stands firm to the end will be saved." 
Something that I've always come back to and that's always given me hope and  a strong foundation is the hope that I have in Jesus.  It's my relationship with Him that goes far beyond the boundaries of any religion.  I know Him.  I love Him.  Of course, not everyone sees this and it makes no sense to the world.  People hate religion, and they classify Christianity in that religion--even though it's not.  People will hate you for proclaiming Christ, and people will hate me for proclaiming Christ, it's a simple fact of life. 
Here's the kicker:  Never back down, never compromise.  If you love something, fight for it.  If you believe in something, don't walk away when the road gets difficult to travel.  If you're strugging with temptation, whatever it is, or even in a battle with yourself, stand your ground.  Don't give up. The war is long and hard and you'll victories and you'll have defeats, but don't surrender from the entire war just because you lost a battle.  Don't retreat because the enemy advances, but be strong and don't back down. 

"You have all the weapons you need.  Now fight."--Sucker Punch


--DyingAnOriginal

100 Days of Discipline Day 9

Scripture:  Matthew 9:17, "Neither do men pour new wine into old wineskins.  If they do, the skins will burst, the wine will run out and the  wineskins will be ruined.  No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved."

I have read this verse before, but it never really stood out to me like it did today.  In my mind, this relates back to our relationship with Christ and when we accept Him.  When we accept Christ into our lives, our lives MUST change.  We simply cannot go on living the way we had been before with all the sin in our lives.  Doing that would be the same as what this verse is talking about.  You don't pour new wine (Christ's presence and love) into old wineskins (your old sinful, lusty, temptation-filled, broken life).  They just don't mix.  But when you start living for Christ, let Him fill your new life. Let him change your life for the better.  Don't remain what you were, but be transformed into a new person, into a new wineskin, and let Him fill that. 

The Flood

Behold, the flood. It's coming, will you make it out alive? Will you sink or swim? The roads we take and the paths we walk all lead us to the same destination. Hell. Did you find an escape? Did you find The Escape?
Behold, the flood of judgment is upon us and none are exempt. Who's side did you choose? What light lit your path? I can only say enough. My words are no match for your bleeding ears. It's time to make a choice because the end is near. The end is upon us. The King is coming.
Behold, the flood.

100 Days Of Discipline Day 8

Scripture: Matthew 8:26, "He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm."

This story always amazed me. The Disciples, walked, talked, and ate with Jesus. 24 hours a day they were with him throughout his entire ministry. They believed everything He said and followed every command, yet they were still blind to see who He really was and what power He had.

If only we can realize the power with which Jesus calms the storms in our own lives. In Matthew 6, Jesus talks about worrying and fretting about life's troubles. In our human race, we worry so much about every single little detail about every single situation. The more stuff we have and the more things we have going on, the more attached we are to this world. The more attached we are to this world, the more we worry about everything. How much more could we do if we weren't tied down or didn't worry about any of it knowing that God can and will take care I us?

You are not alone in the eye of the darkest storm. God's got everything under control. Period. And He wants us to put our trust in Him that that control an will is in our best interest. Period.

Treacherous Tracts.

I read a book a couple of years ago called, "Unchristian".  It's a book that chronicles the largest perceptions and stereotypes of modern Christianity and its followers as according to research done by a large, corporate survey group.  Some of the perceptions are obvious:  Antihomosexual and old-fashioned.  There were others too such as judgmental and hypocritical.  The one that sticks out in my mind is that we are more concerned with saving people so that we can give ourselves a pat on the back than we are with building relationships with people and actually caring about them.

A year and a half ago, I started working at Country Cupboard in Lewisburg as a waiter.  Every so often, a couple times a month, people will leave these tracts and religious pamphlets at the table for me and the rest of the wait staff to read.  I've even had a couple people stop me right before I walk away from the table for the last time and say, "Do you know Jesus?" and hold out a tract for me to read.  I cannot express to you how disgusted and turned off I am by this way of evangelism.  Especially when most of the tracts that you receive are uproariously cheesy enough to not be taken seriously.  In fact, I just received one last week that had a silver square on the front and proclaimed, "Place your thumb in the square for 15 seconds.  If you're a "good person" the square will turn green, good luck!"  Obviously, the silver square did not turn green, and after turning it over it said, "Surprised?  None of us are good people...", and went into the religious spiel.  Not only am I disgusted, but all of my coworkers who aren't Christians take them, grumble and swear about them, laugh at them, and without even taking the time to read them, crumple them up and throw them away. 

Don't get me wrong, I am a staunch supporter of witnessing, making disciples, and following the great commission, but tracts, I strongly believe, are not the way that Jesus intended.  To the world, tracts are seen as ways for Christians to pat themselves on the back for doing a good deed.  When you're handed a slip of paper from someone you don't even know that says, "This could save your life!", it comes across as less religious and more offensive.  If the Christian truly cared about saving your soul, they would build the relationship with you first of all, and once they earned your trust and respect, then bring up the subject of salvation.  We need to let our lives be an example of Christianity, instead of handing someone a poorly written tract with the same old, same old, "Pray this prayer and you're saved", message on it. 

Okay, but say we actually do save someone by giving them a tract.  What do they do now?  All they know is they prayed a prayer and all the sins were taken away.  We aren't around any more to disciple them and to answer the questions that they have.  Who knows if they even have a Bible?  And we all know how scary going to church for the first time can be, especially in a church where you know no one.  I believe that it takes more than a simple prayer to be a Christian, yet this is the very message that we're proclaiming.  With no foundation and no follow-up to go on, that one "saved" person is struggling to find the answers that we weren't there to give because we gave them a tract and faded out of their life.  And for all they know, all they had to do was to pray that prayer and their golden.  They don't know that a relationship with Christ requires much more than that.  It's no wonder 75% of Americans claim Christianity.  It's because we're teaching them that all they need to do is pray a prayer, and tracts reinforce this. 

So for all the good we think we're doing when he hand out tracts, are we really doing anything other than turning people off from the real Truth, or leading them astray and even farther from the Truth than they were before?  I think not.

100 Days of Discipline Day 7

Man alive, almost two days since I've done this.  You're falling behind, Ben.  So much for "Discipline".  Ha.
Anyway...

Scripture:  Matthew 7:18-19, "A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.  Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire."

I wish this verse ran around in my head every time I was tempted to sin.  It's such a good verse, but it's something that I often don't think about it.  If I have Jesus in me, if I claim to have that life, if I claim to have communion with the Holy Spirit and am living for Him, then sin has no power, and I cannot produce bad fruit.  Not to say that I won't sin and fall into temptation, but that God offers me the strength the stand.  If I fully, completely and totally relied on the strength of Christ, I would not, would not, would NOT produce bad fruit.  So therefore in my own life, I need to rely on the strength of Christ to get me through the difficult times more.  It's so hard.

And also I like the second part of the first sentence, "A bad tree cannot produce good fruit".  Someone who does not have the light of Christ in them, no matter what good thing they do, no matter how great their deeds are, because they don't do it for Christ as an act of worship to glorify and honor Him, simply put, it is not good fruit, it's only worth is to make their own name great instead of the name of Christ. 

Finally, "Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire."  As a Christian, if you are not producing good fruit, if you are not making Disciples, if you are not being an example and the light of Christ wherever you go, what good are you?  Why are you a Christian if you're not winning others to the cause of Him?  Git your act straight, son.

I have so much to learn.

100 Days of Discipline Day 6

Scripture:  Matthew 6:16-17, "When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting.  I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full.  But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face."

This chapter today was chock-full of stuff that I wanted to write about, and some day when I become a pastor I'll probably go back and look more in depth at the Sermon on the Mount stuff (Yes, I know it's cliche as a pastor, but still...it's good).  I'll expound upon the thoughts here.  Expound.  I like that word.  But no, what really stood out to me here was the wording in these two verses.  Notice how Jesus doesn't say, "If you fast...But if you fast...", no, instead Jesus says, "When you fast...But when you fast...", as if he's saying, "You're going to do it, so when you do..."  I think if fasting wasn't so important Jesus would've used the word "if", but the fact that he used the word "when" sets off alarms in my head.  Why?  I don't. 

I used to.  Two years ago.  Two years ago when I was a senior in high school, I was also the student chaplain for my small private school in my small town in my small, sheltered world.  Student chaplain.  For the whole high school.  To me, that was a big deal.  It gave me leadership opportunities that I wouldn't have had otherwise, I was considered an official part of the worship team and Chapel Committee, I was on Student Government, and I was able to speak in chapel a few times myself.  That year, I wanted to try something new for our school.  I felt like my school was under spiritual attack a lot.  Apathy, sin, selfishness, arrogance, pride...those were a few of the things that I could see in the people around me, and even somewhat in myself.  I felt the great need to pray for my school, knowing that prayer is a powerful weapon, and lift it before God and beseech Him on behalf of my school.  Every Tuesday I would fast lunch and go into our prayer chapel and just lift the lives of the students as individuals, the lives of the school as a whole, and my own life before God.  For close to half an hour, I would kneel, sit, or stand on the floor before the cross in the small chapel, and pour out my heart before God.  Did I see much change?  No.  Was there much change?  Possibly.  We can't undermine the behind-the-scenes work that God is constantly doing in our lives that we can't necessarily see with our own eyes. 

So why do I tell that short story?  Honestly, I haven't had much practice in fasting, but from the looks of it, I should.  So here I go, I need to start fasting.  I mean, what's so great about reading it in the Bible, but not actually doing anything about it?  Jesus calls us, each of us, to fast.  To have the discipline in our own lives to deny the "bread" of this world and remind ourselves that we're living in an earthly body for a heavenly kingdom and the kingdom is far greater than this world.  After all, Jesus says later in Matthew, "If any man is to come after me He must deny himself..."  To me, this is part of denying yourself. 

Is Jesus calling you to fast?

100 Days of Discipline Day 5

Scripture Matthew 5:48, “Be perfect therefore as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

This verse, and those like it, has always gotten to me.  Definitely in some good ways, but also in some bad.  This is one of those classical, “What does He mean when He says this?” verses.  In reality, Jesus was the only perfect person that ever graced the earth.  Simply put:  He was God.  Duh.  In no way can we ever measure up to that.  In this verse, Jesus isn’t telling us as Christians to be perfect like He was and if we’re not we’ll be damned forever, but to strive for perfection.  Moreso, to look at Him as an example as to what it means to live a holy life and follow that example in our own lives.  In this verse, Jesus is setting the bar high for us.  He’s saying, “Look at my life.  This is how I want you to live.” 

So looking at my own life in retrospect, am I living the way Jesus would live?  Am I walking the way Jesus would have walked?  Am I saying things that He would have said?  Am I doing things He would have done?  And if not, then I need to do some serious questioning of myself.  Jesus called us to be different, holy, and set apart.  And to not live a life that’s tied down to the world.  To live a life that if you’re called to drop everything and move to Africa, that you’d do it and trust God in that.  A life that your job is not as important as your faith and you don’t compromise the two.  I know that I still have a long road ahead of me, but that’s part of learning.  I know that I’m miles from where God would want me to be, but I’m still growing.

Where are you?